Mantra

My mantra is: a week is more than enough time to . I left the end portion blank on purpose because after my very difficult weekend, I needed to feel like I could just be again after much in my life has changed unexpectedly. I decided I needed my mantra to affirm that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, acknowledging that a lot can change over short periods of time. My growth in the meditation experience was a difficult process. My primary obstacles were images- dreaming back to past memories that would affect my emotional state, and consequently, my ability to stay focused during the meditation. In order to overcome this, my mantra ended up taking on a musical/rhythmic element in my head; in many ways, I sang it to myself so that it would consume me and keep me focused in a way that simply saying it couldn’t achieve. For my reflection this week, I tried my hand at a form of poetry that I hope reflects these challenges and my adjustments to my practice. It has a slight stream of consciousness element to it, but I hope it still conveys something effective. I know that the process of writing this poem was cathartic for me.

"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” 

~ Paulo Coelho

A week is more than enough time to .

(1)

Today.

A week is more than enough time to fidget profusely.

Yesterday, there was pain like converging raindrops on windowsills.

All condensation falling then grouping and then staying

to be an ocean in finite spaces.

Today,

I fidget because words cannot form.

I see no letters, and

I feel no full articulat    .

I just see your face- and it does not come to me in words or phrases.

A week is more than enough time to fidget profusely because

seeing faces makes my stomach drop.

I blink my eyes shut,

hands clasped-

Please go away,

I want the face to go away.

Leave.

I am jittering, wound to escape this rigid embrace.

The ocean is there to wash over and through my suspended piece of time.

Today,

I must tell you that a week is more than enough time to

fidget profusely.

(2)

Today.

A week is more than enough time to say I’m sorry.

I’m sorry devotion has its limits, and

that I am shy in the face of this.

The wheeling leaves me nauseous

So I place my hands on the floor on either side of me to stay still.

Today, a week is more than enough time to say I’m sorry because

the apology is empowering-

rendering vulnerability as acceptance

to move a more selfless love elsewhere.

I’m sorry slows my pitter-patter heartbeat.

I’m sorry makes my back sit a little straighter.

I’m sorry

moves me toward becoming elation on edge.

I have a limited capacity for devotion.

I hear myself, and

Today,

I must tell you that a week is more than enough time to say

I’m sorry.

(3)

Today.

A week is more than enough time to eat chocolate without remorse.

Humming hmming yessing mmming.

The aches in my body do not take over this time.

Humming hmming yessing mmming.

I am floating on those coattails.

My mantra is so concrete this time,

slight but edgy enough to

send me flying,

to send me humming hmming yessing mmming.

Today,

a week is more than enough time to

eat chocolate without remorse.

(4)

Today.

A week is more than enough time to throw my hands way up high.

A week is more than enough time to throw those hands so so high,

oh yes oh yes oh yes yes it is.

A week is more than enough time to throw my hands way up high.

A week is more than enough time to throw those hands so so high,

higher higher higher higher

That face breaks in,

stomach drops.

This kink-

I’m coming back I’m coming back I’m coming back because

A week is more than enough time to throw my hands way up high.

A week is more than enough time to throw my hands so so high,

oh yes oh yes oh yes yes it is.

Hello my dearest heartbeat.

Today,

A week is more than enough time to

reach such great heights.