The Doodle: Intimacy

Intimacy

1) Where am I now, 6 weeks into this exceedingly orange and yellow fall quarter? More than anything, I have come to really appreciate being pushed to write. In my original blog post, I described feeling lost in the face of a key board. As a writer, I have been able to progress again as I have become in touch with a part of myself I thought I lost after returning from Bolivia. When I write, I often don't think ahead of writing words- they spill out and splatter the page. When I finish, I feel like I am returning from a far away journey. In this way, I think my identity as a thinker and my identity as a writer collide. I am a constant daydreamer; I think in circles and in lyrics as memories from the past usually dominate my focus. I am spacey because I think in long, wave-like patterns. When I engage with people or the physical environment around me after a long dream away, I feel like I am returning from a far away journey. Therefore, during the remaining four weeks in this course, I want to become more deliberate in my reflective process. I tend to not plan it out ahead of time and can stay stuck in cyclical thinking and writing processes. To become more deliberate, I want to be more present in my interactions with others; perhaps, by sharing more reflections out loud so that my reflections do remain just 'inward'. I also want to try reflecting in non-writing formats because my identity as a writer is so sporadic and unstructured. The meditation class this week will be an important starting point for that, and I also plan on setting apart 30 minutes every day to go on a walk to reflect in a more active manner away from the distractions and stressors of my everyday life.

2) My map reflects the sporadic nature of my thinking and writing styles. When I was doodling, I thought a lot about what was inside of me (in more metaphorical terms). The outline of the person on the right side of the paper is filled with the Universe, which shows that I think all of us have a little piece of the Universe within us. This piece of Universe connects us to something larger and makes us aware of our potential for greatness. Looking at my doodle now, I see many themes of interconnectedness. I chose the word 'intimacy' because I believe reflection is first and foremost a process of becoming vulnerable. Whether reflections are shared or not, the act of thinking deeply about something renders you still and stillness is necessarily vulnerable. Vulnerability relates to the theme of interconnectedness because I believe we form relationships-with others, ourselves and the world- when we are vulnerable enough to let people in. On the map, you can see the interconnectedness in the link of people climbing into my heart, in the large connection between the eye, magnifying glass and tree and between the roots of the tree and the drawing of myself.

3) One conclusion I can draw after completing three iterations of my map is that I hold a very strong connection between reflection and the process of self-care. I made this connection the most clear in Map 2, but I think this theme is so important as we move through this course because reflection is counter-intuitive to most popular narratives I have heard about 'what constitutes success'. Success is fast, aggressive, competitive, restless. It is a ever-changing horizon reserved for those who can categorically be considered 'the best'. The narratives I heard about success were never lyrical, slow, cyclical, vulnerable or intimate- all the things I consider reflection to be. Therefore, I believe it is crucial that we revision reflection not as something that holds us back, but rather as a mechanism to care for ourselves so that we all can leader fuller lives. Reflection as self-care does not call for avoidance of critical thought or difficult times; it encourages these practices as a necessary step for growth, change and self-empowerment.